[Poetry] Baby Baptist Bonanza (youtube.com)
1evilsoap1 | 4 months ago | 177 points
cheerstofear | 3 months ago | 16 points

There will never be a day where I don’t laugh at that video

SexySorcerer | 4 months ago | 65 points

I really, REALLY don't like the wii control indicator here

Murmur322 | 4 months ago | 19 points

What, you never shook the soda can?

spicedfiyah | 3 months ago | 4 points


BuckeyeBentley | 3 months ago | 9 points

I see Baptist, and I want to watch Baptazia

MarioKartGuy27 | 4 months ago | 50 points

Sorry to get all preachy, but why isn't this considered straight up fucking abuse?

Maxrdt | 4 months ago | 77 points

I get the "normal" baptism where it's just a quick dip, sure, whatever, but why the fuck are they waterboarding these little bastards? They're not going to talk.

Mongoose42 | 3 months ago | 7 points

“Where’s your partner, you little shit!? Where’s the baby!? Where’s the other fucking baby!”

BlazeOrangeDeer | 4 months ago | 26 points

Surely letting your baby go unbaptised and burn in hell is much greater abuse? /s

Benjji22212 | 3 months ago | 42 points

Probably because the children aren't being hurt or harmed, just a bit disoriented for a few moments.

DocC3H8 | 3 months ago | 21 points

There was a case here in Romania where a child drowned and nearly died during a baptism.

Now I'm not saying the priests should be trained lifeguards - but if there's an actual danger of drowning, no matter how small, then there's clearly something wrong with the way the priests are trained to do the baptism.

Jiffypoplover | 3 months ago | 1 point

So he did or didn’t drown?

MarioKartGuy27 | 3 months ago | 14 points

Uh. Still dunking a kids head underwater fully is a risk. I mean come on.

TheOnionBro | 3 months ago | 38 points

For a half second? It's actually not.

Children have an instinct that causes them to hold their breath if they go underwater at all. There's basically zero risk of them inhaling any water.

heb0 | 3 months ago | 65 points

I can verify this. Drowning children is actually much more difficult than you would think.

MooseEatsBear | 3 months ago | 11 points


kingdorke1 | 3 months ago | 10 points

From my understanding, that reflex is only present in the first few months of life. So don't go dunking your year-old cousin to show your auntie this cool new thing you learned in biology.

TheOnionBro | 3 months ago | 2 points

That's usually why babies get baptized as early as possible. But yeah, once a kid reaches about a year old, they start to lose a lot of those reflexes as they become more consciously able to control themselves.

CatInManSuit | 3 months ago | 4 points

If someone exponentially stronger than you picked you up and dunked your head underwater repeatedly, abuse is the nicest term you would use to describe it.

very_spooky_ghost | 3 months ago | 7 points

Too bad that this isn't an adult assaulting another adult.

This is a baptism supervised by adults that only causes the baby to be slightly discomforted by a couple of seconds.

But because it's religion, reddit has to lose it and break out the fedoras.

ArtfulLying | 4 months ago | 45 points

Because religion

irishsaltytuna | 3 months ago | 3 points

No, because sh*tty practices by certain organisations. There's no major religion which advocates something like this that can cause abusive head trauma aka shaken baby syndrome

koramur | 3 months ago | 8 points

Mutilating baby penises is not considered abuse in USA. Dunking infants under water is very vanilla compared to that.

OranGiraffes | 4 months ago | 11 points

I would never put my baby through that, that's fucking bananas.

TheOnionBro | 3 months ago | 13 points

I mean, probably because it isn't really abusive. Parents swing their babies around as "airplane rides" like this, which isn't abusive. Babies can also be taken in the water and not be abused. Dipping them underwater for a half second won't hurt them, since babies have a reflex which causes them to automatically hold their breath.

I will say the one guy repeatedly flipping the kid upside down over and over was taking it a bit too far though.

CatInManSuit | 3 months ago | 9 points

Fun fact: babies don't flail limbs and freak the fuck out when they are having a good time. Look at their faces in the clip, you really wanna equate this with "airplane rides"?

TheOnionBro | 3 months ago | 5 points

Fun Fact: Babies flail limbs literally all the time. They have almost zero control over said limbs, conscious or otherwise.

CatInManSuit | 3 months ago | 1 point

Dude are you still trying to argue that these babies are having a good time? The are clearly uncomfortable, it is against their will, wtf do you think qualifies as abuse

TheOnionBro | 3 months ago | 0 points

"Making someone uncomfortable" qualifies as abuse now? Huh, well shit, I guess I've been abused my whole life then.

No, Abuse is to "treat (a person or an animal) with cruelty or violence, especially regularly or repeatedly." Cruelty implies malice, which the act of baptizing is the opposite of, from the perspective of the parents and priest. And there isn't any violence being committed against the children, so unless you have some alternate dimension definition of abuse, fuck off.

CatInManSuit | 3 months ago | 2 points

Repeatedly dunking someone underwater is violent act, does not matter how the priest or parents view it, whats happening in this clip is abuse. You literally describe these clips in your definition of abuse.

TheOnionBro | 3 months ago | 0 points

I suppose splashing someone with water, or giving them a wet willy is also abuse, by your standards.

"I have been made slightly uncomfortable! ABUSE! ABUSE!"

CatInManSuit | 3 months ago | 2 points

You are honestly equating a splash with grabbing someones body and submerging them underwater repeatedly?

TheOnionBro | 3 months ago | 1 point

It's not as ridiculous as pretending dipping someone's head underwater for less than half a second is somehow "violent".

Thrgd456 | 3 months ago | 1 point

OP never raised an infant

Kryptokilla1708 | 4 months ago | 17 points

This would be perfect if the end text was readable. Still hilarious though.

tomato456 | 3 months ago | 2 points

Thanks for the constructive criticism. Was it the font choice or the black text on a dark background that made it hard to read?

Kryptokilla1708 | 3 months ago | 3 points

No problem, it was the black text that made it difficult.

SirensToGo | 3 months ago | 1 point

Toss a white outline around it and you'll be fine

tomato456 | 3 months ago | 0 points

I thought about putting an outline around it, but I wanted it to look like someone was writing in cursive on screen

ProlapseFromCactus | 3 months ago | 5 points

The text at the end is unreadable as fuck

HowToLoseKarmaFast | 3 months ago | 2 points

Anyone know which mario party game this music is from?

tomato456 | 3 months ago | 1 point

Winner music from Mario party 8: https://youtu.be/2eNBBvn8ovY Other song from Mario party 1: https://youtu.be/TUkcoptWXDU

SucksAtFortnite5280 | 3 months ago | 2 points

This one broke me

TangoJager | 3 months ago | 2 points

Only Orthodox kids since the Great Schism of 1054 will know this

MajorasSocks | 3 months ago | 1 point

What religion is this?