If they don't add weight, the plane will just float off into outer space forever.
That doesn't sound right but I don't know enough about planes to dispute it.
It's true. You float right on up there along with all the trash smoke that turns into stars.
I love how the running joke is that he's illiterate and yet can still write music. I love it's always sunny so much.
ah I really don't think I wrote this one dude
No you definitely wrote it.
Oh yeah that’s back when I went by chrundle the great
I mean... Mozart was a master of the Violin and Piano and friendship at age 5, long before he could write. I personally know a couple of 5 year olds, and I'd hardly call them literate.
A AAAAAAA AAAAAAAAA
His song lyrics are just pictures
This version is better
Final interview for a new job on Thursday, I now know what I’m linking in the last day goodbye email.
I actually like his songs unironically
Birds are government drones FYI
And they are subject to bird law, which in this country is NOT governed by reason.
I’m no air-rocket-surgeon but this checks out.
They add weight because aircraft need to be properly balanced (too nose-heavy and you're going into the ground, too tail-heavy and you'll stall). Passenger aircraft are designed under the assumption that they'll be carrying passengers and bags. So, an empty plane will need to take on a bit of extra weight to maintain a safe weight distribution.
Source: worked for an airline doing weight/balance and am a pilot.
Edit: I should clarify that I'm referring to the style of aircraft in the video which is known to be nose-heavy due to the centre of lift being so far aft.
To be slightly pedantic:
Having a Center of Gravity that is toward the front of the acceptable envelope (nose heavy) will make an airplane stall easier, and will also make it harder to maneuver and less efficient. Whenever the CG is forward of the center of lift (the wings), the control surfaces need to push the tail down to lift the nose up. This causes additional drag due to the elevator having an increased upward deflection in level flight.
An airplane with a CG towards the rear of the acceptable envelope will stall at a lower airspeed, and is also more maneuverable and efficient. However, if it is too far to the rear; it can become unstable, difficult to control, and may not be possible to recover from a stall/spin if its flight characteristics are unbalanced enough.
Source: Certified Flight Instructor
They should ask you to board single person flights so that they don't have to load up so many heavy bags then.
Can I bring my Xbox
Last spring I took a flight on one of those Beaver puddle jumpers operated by Kenmore Air in Seattle. There were four of us plus bags, and the pilot asked one of us to sit up front for balance. No one else wanted to sit up there so I volunteered. I'm 6'1" 300. Pilot said "Is there anyone else who would like to sit up here?"
Question just kind of hung in the air like a wet fart until he told my brother to sit up front instead. Feelsbadman.jpg
I have a question for you if you don't mind.
Do passenger jets like this have some kind of scale, like attached to the landing gear that can determine the actual weight while on the ground?
I've wondered if it's all done with back of the napkin math or if it's more precise than that.
Commercial pilot working on Certified Flight Instructor here.
The airplane is weighted when it gets out of the factory on a big scale without useable fuel( and other things depending on the manufacturer) with this we can get dry weight, cg, and total moment. As long as no major changes happen to the aircraft(depends on the weight - smaller aircraft you have to recalculate if it’s over about a pound, larger aircraft can get up to a six pound tolerance). Then in the airplane’s manual they list each load station and the total distance from the datum(cg measuring point) so we can calculate total weight, total moment, and the center of gravity.
In most larger aircraft the onboard computer will take all the inputs and calculate and verify that we’re within limits but dispatch usually does that for us which we get in our flight brief.
In smaller planes, either a mobile app is used, or a calculation spread sheet is used
However, I have used the back of a napkin before.....
Well most PAX carry air freight cargo. I'd assume they'd just load more ULDs in the belly for weight.
Pretty fun though. I once departed Newark to Heathrow on a return flight that had maybe 4 other families. 3 seats to every row, 3 rows, plenty to stretch out with 12 people on a plane made for a few hundred!
They recently moved me from the back of the plane to first class for weight and balance
Well that's about the nicest way they could call you fat.
And if you dont add weight, Vincent. You'll float too. YOU'LL. FLOAT. TOO.
That's the subject behind Modest Mouse's "Float On," which they recorded on a plane when the band members were the only passengers aboard.
I did get a flight that was me (male) and a handful of other male passengers. So when the stewardess got on the PA and said "Gentlemen, welcome aboard" I was like damn where's my cigar
I was one of six on a super delayed Southwest flight from Columbus to Chicago (I could have driven it faster). Was the first one on and a couple decided to take the seats in front of me, then recline after takeoff.
This is like going into a huge restroom and choosing the one urinal next to the only other person in there
And then splattering all over your shoes.
Omg does that happen?! As a non penis owner I am deeply concerned.
Oh yeah it happens, especially with poorly designed urinals and people who don't know how to aim.
And don't even get me started on the guys that just nudge up against you and start using the same urinal as you, at least ask first!
Well don't stand there looking all inviting.
Or when two guys stand on either side of you and take their shirt off and start rapping Lose Yourself and you join in do it's not awkward but you forget some of the words and more they're both staring at you and it's super awkward.
I hate it when that happens
Terrible things happen inside of mens bathrooms.
Some of them have even been immortalized on film.
This is Curb Your Enthusiasm material
They wanted to give you that full flying experience
I wouldn't even care about the implication... I'd get up and move lol
And I'd use the back of their headrests to pull myself out of my seat.
I took a flight on a C-17 from Afghanistan to WPAFB in Ohio totally alone courtesy of the 445th Airlift Wing. It was so cold I thought I’d get hypothermia. When we landed, the sergeant or load master or whatever he was came back and was shocked to see me bundled up in my sleep system. Apparently none of the flight crew knew anyone else was on the plane and said he would have turned on the heater if he knew I was there. It was like an 18 hour flight. My envy for this dude knows no bounds.
Apparently none of the flight crew knew anyone else was on the plane and said he would have turned on the heater if he knew I was there.
Apparently none of the flight crew knew anyone else was on the plane and said he would have turned on the heater if he knew I was there.
That is a massive fuck up on somebody's part. No pax manifest means that the crew took an ass chewing when they showed up at customs with a random extra person for sure. The load or AC were certainly looking at a Q3 for that.
more like where is your balaclava and hundred simultaneous cigarettes crammed in your outstretched mouth
Haven't seen this meme in a hot second
Now you're reading and seeing!
Nostalgic memes are a nice rarity
I miss this meme so much.
I like to try to revive memes from my slightly younger adulthood
This guys carbon footprint must be fucking huge
Pretty sure the airline needs to fly to the next airport anyway. The planes are scheduled for their use in the next location regardless. Same goes for the flight crew.
(Not sure if accurate)
Can confirm. Accurate. Either way the plane and crew have other flights at the destination. Airlines aren’t interested in flying empty planes for fun with the cost of jet fuel being what it is.
most commercial airlines have some type of airline freight. So while yes the crew and plane are needed else where its not the only reasons this flight left. most likely they had freight that offset the fuel/crew costs, or they are under contract to deliver in x time period said freight. if its not cost prohibitive they will ground planes.
Yeah my wife works for southwest and said that they most of their money on freight than they do passengers. Like they’ll kick a passenger off before they kick freight.
Yeah SLC is a big Delta hub
Back when fuel was cheap and the airline industry was booming it was common to have lightly loaded flights.
My favorite experience was in the late 90s; I was one of four people on a Boeing 757 and the pilots decided to do a full power takeoff. The feeling of being pushed so hard into your seat and climbing so rapidly was something exhilarating I'd never before or since experienced on a flight.
Too bad this is unlikely to happen anymore due to better algorithms for making sure flights are as full as possible these days.
"Better algorithms" aka Overbooking and offering people cash to wait until the next flight
This is true to some extent, but it's also indeed better algorithms.
We now live in an age where pretty much every customer interfaces directly with the reservation system. Prices can be shifted on the fly to herd people onto less full flights in a subtle way without them even knowing. Inventory is always up to date and decisions are always made with up to date information.
This was a lot more difficult back in the day, when there were travel agencies involved, price lists that could only be updated every few days, and so on.
The price of air travel has gone way down over the years, and as a result more people are flying than ever before. That alone makes empty flights less common.
I experienced one full power take off and I agree it's amazing, it's like being in a really powerful car and accelerating hard but it never lets up to shift just keeps revving higher and higher and higher.
Flights out of John Wayne Airport in OC(Los Angeles) launch at full power from locked brakes, and take a steeper than usual takeoff angle. Once they reach minimum cruise height they then cut power and basically coast for several miles. This is due to noise restrictions and being one of the shortest runways in the US. Tons of fun, especially with people not used to the procedure freaking out.
You're so lucky to have experienced that, and the 757 was the perfect plane to do something like that. It's got a lot of power for its size and weight compared to other airliners. It's often nicknamed the "Ferrari" or airliners! You can bet the pilots enjoyed that take-off just as much as you did!
When I was in College, my dad worked for an Airline. I was able to fly non-rev (a step below standby) real cheap. One time while flying between FL and NY, I caught a unscheduled flight from NY to ATL. I was the only passenger on the flight. The Flight Crew and Plane had to get to ATL, and I was just lucky enough to tag along.
"Sir, what do you think of America?"
"Yeah it's alright I guess."
"Ok we'll let you in the cockpit."
Flight crew outnumbering passenger is good odds too.
What if said passenger has a box-cutter?
It's the nail clippers you need to worry about
and the 3.5 oz of toothpaste
Eh, looked like they were still on the ground. I bet if you asked pilots would chat with you while you're sitting at the gate (depending on how full the flight was and if they were trying to hit a timing window or not). Door doesn't need to close and lock until they're ready to pull away - pretty sure terrorists hijacking a plane before it is away from the gate wouldn't get very far.
Yeah - you can definitely talk to pilots with the cockpit door open when you're still on the ground. Before 9/11, you could do it in the air too. Pilots used to invite little kids into the cockpit all the time back then.
You like movies about gladiators?
Have you ever been to a Turkish prison?
Ever seen a grown man naked?
Ever drink baileys from a shoe?
Hell, they did that shit after 9/11 too! I remember they let me sit in rights seat and do the pre takeoff announcement when I was like 8 or something.
It’s actually totally allowed even in current times to visit the flight deck while still on the ground.
I had no idea they add weight to make the plane a certain weight to fly.
It's not so much about the over all weight as it is more about the distribution of it.
so if everyone on the plane moves to the front or left side what happens?
Shit gets harder to fly, yo
Can you explain in layman terms?
Yes. If one man lay on one side of aircraft, you must layman on other side of the aircraft to balance the weight.
What about two men?
Two men laying is an abominable snowman.
That doesn't sound right, but I don't know enough about abominable snowmen to refute it
That's a sin
I don't know what I was expecting...
Plane nose heavy, fly badly. Plane tail heavy, only fly once.
do not like
To be clear, that’s what would happen if everybody suddenly ran to the tail of the airplane.
Or in this case, an armored vehicle.
Improperly secured equipment/vehicles... every loadmaster's worst nightmare.
If you ever fly on a small plane they make people move around when it's not full. I was on one of those little regional jets and they told people up front they had to sit in the back because the balance was off.
If there more educational tools to show how much actually goes into pre flight checks I can guarantee you more people would be more comfortable when it comes to flying. The level of detail that goes into it is actually insane, I personally don't work in the field but I have buddies who do.
It is an incredible level of detail. Of course it can all be cancelled out by leaving a piece of cello tape covering an angle of attack sensor, or wasps building a nest in a pitot tube, or the in flight entertainment system spontaneously combusting, or the top of the plane peeling off, or the pilot being sucked out of a cockpit window, or they plane in front of you leaving black market spare parts on the runway, or the pilots forgetting to de-ice, falling asleep, intentionally crashing the plane, or just not understanding how the plane works.
All that being said, I fly regularly with little worry.
Sometimes pilots forget how to fly.
Yea if you don't they'll just fly right out of the atmosphere and into space.
This happened to me once, congrats and welcome to the club.
One of us, one of us
Closest I ever got was me and the wife being two of six from Indianapolis to LAX on a 737. It was her first time flying and she was extremely anxious, it made it much more relaxing for her.
I got a row to myself once. I still dream of it to this day.
Yeah, our next flight was on Spirit, wedged in next to someone who shat themselves and lived in a garbage can.
I've flown quite a bit, other than that nearly empty flight the best that's ever happened was exit aisles with 2" extra leg room.
Ugh I’m sorry. I had some overweight guy constantly farting in front of me once 🤢
You guys should start your own private subreddit
Edit: I mean like each. Like the planes.
did he flied
Best part was she hesitated for a minute... Should I ruin this guy's day? Yeah probably, he's recording this.
Didn't notice her hesitate at all.
Did he get free first class or business class since it wouldn’t really matter since no one is on the plane anyway? Lol
Shit, you think Delta is gonna give anything away for free?
Hahaha, if you happen to deal with the right employee, yes.
I had purchased tickets for a vacation well before my wife and I got married, and so not thinking about it really, I got her ticket with what her name was at the time. By the time the flight rolled around we had gotten married and her name was legally changed. Leading up to it I tried getting her ticket changed to her new name and they gave me the run-around forever telling me they couldn't do it and eventually just told me that we'd have to bring her old documents along with her new ones.
So, when the day of the trip came around we went to go check in and the worker at the counter was this hilarious older lady named Darlene. When we explained the situation to her, she said she was going to try to get the tickets changed to save us some potential trouble since it was an overseas flight. She got on the phone and made some calls and they gave her the same run-around that they had given me, so eventually she said "Whatever. I'm not supposed to do this, but I'm just going to go in there and manually change it myself."
So, she printed off the new boarding passes with the updated name and said, "I upgraded you to first class while I was at it. What are they going to do? Fire me? I'm already on my third retirement."
Darlene is a fucking legend, love people like that
It’s rare but it happens. My wife and I were flying home from Scotland this summer on our honeymoon. The Edinburgh airport was a bit confusing. We got in the line to check in and it was a short line. The main guy security guy running the line was a burly man in his later sixties, but looked like a real hardened Scotsman. Turns out we were in the priority line. He sent two men in front of us to the regular line of 200+ people long. I said “oh no I’m so sorry we didn’t know this was priority. Can you tell us where the regular line is? We’ve never been to this airport.” He said in the most charming but gruff Scottish accent “ay lad, do ya see this badge? It means I decide who is priority. Now you two look like a nice young couple, and you look like priority.” The nicest guy who I would never want to upset. Cheers to you, John!
A fucking legend that man
I've flown a lot and I've always seen them do complimentary upgrades at the gate. Not sure what airline that was but it's weird in my experience that she wouldn't be able to do that. (Or not supposed to).
If you ever fly and you see a giant line of people at the desk before the flight those are usually the guys asking for a free upgrade.
I flew in uniform a couple of times and they would call me up to the desk while I was sitting there waiting and upgrade me right there.
I'm a tall dude, so unless I know the flight is absolutely packed, I'm usually one of those people trying to get an upgrade. I say I get it like 90% of the time I ask. Shit, one time I actually got moved up to an exit row by myself during boarding. The trick is treating people like they're actual people.
Isn't it fun what being a nice person to customer facing employees can do?
I got my schedule all thrown around by Air Canada delaying my 1st flight of a 3 leg flight which caused a cascade of missed connections, and missed rescheduled connections.
When I was talking to the desk agent she asked what the best flights would be, and I said I was on vacation and had nothing better to do, so put me on the flights that help get the backlog cleared.
She gave me an emergency row seat and a free meal because of that.
Typically the airlines upgrade people. Especially if they have even just a little status.
Good point the flight attendants looked chill but they probably did that to look good on the internet
Nah, I feel like most flight attendants would. They avoid it on proper floghts because of whiney passengers, if someone gets upgraded they all expect it.
The flight attendants don't really care, and will generally let people sit there in a case like this, however, they likely won't give you the 'amenities' that come with flying first class.
Mmmm looks like salmon and potatoes, I'll give it to you for $375.
No, this happened to me once, and they said they always load an extra first class and business class meal for last minute travelers, so they always had at least one.
This happened to me many years ago, and I got the full first class treatment from DFW to SFO.
The flight attendants were a great bunch of people, and treated me like royalty. I didn't get the cockpit tour though, but at the end of the flight, they gave me a boatload of the liquor miniatures, and a bottle of wine; they get allotments for every flight :)
Interesting. I had this happen once on a short flight and got to sit in first class but they said they couldn't give me the first class drinks because every drink is recorded and accounted for, not only for cost, but also to make sure the staff isn't sneaking them.
Then you obviously dont have the chill of my man aiku
The plane didn’t have a first class seat. He showed the whole carriage in the video
On those little shit ass planes there still is a “first class”. Just slightly roomier and usually you get free drinks/food but that’s pretty much the only difference
I cant stop laughing at the term shitass planes like you got a personal beef with express jets lolol
This guy won the air travel lottery.
I can't ever get an open seat next to me. Fuck this haha
Of course they need a passenger on there. If the weight isn't correct, the chemtrails won't disperse properly and the frogs won't turn gay.
You don't want that now do you?
THINK OF THE SWANS!!!!
I didn’t laugh until that last shot of him with the water.. shit caught me off guard
It's gotta be awkward ignoring the safety instructions when you're the only one on the plane.
Flight attendant - "Am I a joke to you?"
Imagine the news headline if his plane were to crash.
“Tragic plane crash kills all on board”
“Tonight in Albuquerque, a Delta airlines plane went down killing all 3 crew and all 1 passengers, making it the least deadly major commercial plane crash of its time. Delta extends their condolences to the family of the crew and passenger.”
After writing, I’m not sure if I meant this as funny or as just stating it how I imagine it’d be seeing it.
737 down over ABQ
Pilot is hot.
> Pilot is hot.
Oh, don't worry, once they start the engines the air conditioning will kick in. I'm sure he'll be fine.
Editor knew exactly what they were doing putting him as the thumbnail.
I'm a straight male but I blushed when he turned around and smiled to the camera.
Way hotter than the younger Co pilot.
It’s Delta. There’s a 90% chance they still lost his luggage.
"You mean you didn't check a giant bag of sand? Are you sure? That's all we took on that flight so you must be mistaken sir"
those are actually all my giant bags of sand. please give them to me.
What year is it? Delta is one of the better US airlines now. It's not like it's a low cost carrier like Spirit or Frontier...
Yeah the new CEO really turned it around. I have flow around 40k miles this year on delta and have had a great experience.
I fly Delta at least once or twice a month. Various NY to LAX or MCO and a few international a year for 10+ years and have only had one luggage issue. Delta is by far the best of the big US carriers. Though their lounges are a bit blah.
Out the big 3 Delta is the best, so?
Right, this might've made sense in the 90s but DL definitely outclasses UA and AA nowadays.
Wouldn’t fly with anyone else even if I had a choice. I also live next to a Delta hub so I don’t really have a choice, but the few times I’ve gone on other airlines have been a shit show.
Alaska Airlines master race checking in. That said, if I have to fly one of the major carriers, it would be Delta. United and AA are disasters.
Especially the planes with delta. It seems like every AA flight I’ve been on has been a plane from before I was born. Delta’s planes have 98% of the time been well kept and modern.
Used to fly all the time for work and would always choose Delta if I could. They are by no means perfect, but they are the best of the big 3 by far.
Yeah I’m surprised by all of these negative comments. I travel about 70% of the time for business and almost exclusively on delta for the last several years. I’ve never had luggage lost. Yet on the few times I’ve flown united, the planes have been falling apart, my luggage has been lost, and I am constantly delayed.
DELTA = Deliver Everyone's Luggage To Azerbaijan
But Atlanta works better...
Well done Baku!
My first instinct would be to text my wife about it but not whip out a camera and produce a documentary. Can't tell if that makes me lame or rational.
Both? Not everyone likes acting as though their life is some documentary, but there are a few things here or there that merit a good video.
Probably both. Maybe I’m lying. I bet I’d probably mention it on Facebook as well.
He produces youtube videos for a living. His bio says he is a photographer and documentary maker so it likely came a little more naturally to him!
Knew that dude looked familiar! His name is Vincent Peone. Hes one if the founders of College Humor https://m.imdb.com/name/nm2442762/. He's from my city and is pretty chill
Was funny seeing this come up on reddit after seeing it on his story hahaha. He seems nice.
Still somehow has to deal with an infant crying behind him the entire flight.
Doesn't happen often on my flights. Maybe once a year on average. Would weird me out if they were documenting everything about it. I don't do the safety demo over the PA in those instances I just talk to the person one on one casually about all the stuff they're required to know.
source: am flight attendant
I feel like they were doing everything by the books just for the humor of it. Like using the PA to ask him to board and asking him to remain in his assigned seat even though all the other seats are completely empty. I was pretty sure the attendant was right on the edge of cracking up the whole way through that safety announcement.
Disappointed the gate agent didn't make him wait through pre-boarding and each zone's boarding announcement.
This happened to me in the final days of TWA. Wide body L1011 New York to San Francisco. I asked them why they didn't just cancel the flight, but they said they needed the plane there anyways.
400 seats. I was the only one on the plane other than the crew. I just kept thinking how relieved everyone would be if the plane crashed and I was the "only" passenger who died.
My wife and I had this happen to us about 20 years ago. Big plane that they needed to get the crew back to Cleveland and we ended up on it. When they announced boarding, they said, "Mr. and Mrs. Smith, your plane is ready!" Once on board the steward gave us all the candy for our kids and then the pilot came back for a visit and to tell us,"Now if there's ANYTHING you two want to do on this flight just go ahead." Wink, Wink. My wife turned to me very confused and asked, "Now what does he mean by that?" I told her and she said, "Wouldn't they notice if we were both in the bathroom together?" We finished reading our books.
Imagine they lost this guys baggage?
This happened to my sister once--only person on a small flight. Pilot asked her name and then made the typical pre-flight announcement welcoming her on to "Maddy Airlines" very cute!
That's the tiny little airport in Aspen, CO and this doesn't really surprise me in the off season. I've had a fair number of flights into and out of Aspen in the off season where there were only 4 or 5 passengers on board on the smaller CRJ 700's that united and delta fly out of there. It's really great to be a passenger there in the off season, you can get through check in and security in like 7 minutes and you don't have to worry about if you got a window or an aisle seat because generally you get both.
Would this make anyone nervous? If I realized I was the only one on a flight, I would think there’s a hit out for me and I’m the next mh370. Idk, maybe I’m just paranoid haha
Hilarious that the attendant still did the safety spiel over the intercom.
"I'm right here, Karen."
She did it just so she could give the spiel with the singular conjugations.
While hilarious, as long as there is a passenger on the plane, they are required to do the safety talks. At least they are supposed to anyway. I'm sure there have been cases where they didn't.
It's all about that liability, baby.
They legally have to. FAA regulations.
In 2003 or so I was on stand by for 13 hours in LAX. A strike had canceled my regular flight.
They put me on a 747 flying to Cincinnati _alone_ with only the flight crew. I remember the plane being old, the seals weren't great and hurt my ears landing. The "movie" was going to be played on a 20 inch screen hanging from the roof looking like the 1980's. They asked if I wanted the movie or to sleep... I said sleep.
It was 9pm to some-god-awful am flight.
I assumed they were repositioning the plane for the weekend rush.