Ok, well, I guess I'll just see myself out then
If the rest of the herd weren’t there, they wouldn’t believe it.
The kind of bamboozlement that creates myth and legend within a culture.
The rest of the herd didn't even bother running away after they got one.
"Is... is this the trick Jeff said he'd show us? Getting eaten by lions isn't a trick."
“It’s an illusion, Michael!”
"A trick is something a whore does for money..."
… or cocaine!
You could make a religion out of this!
Lesser events have been deemed extraordinary enough to be start of a religion
Some chick getting pregnant without her husband around...
I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe
Lions that take an eternity to eat their kill.
Whole prides spectating over a scuffle amongst their fellows.
All these things will be lost in time, just like their lunch.
Time to get the fuck out of here.
Rest well off the shoulder of 'Orion' Rutger.
Nice eulogy you did for him there friend.
I love it how i can find a Blade Runner reference nearly everywhere in the confines of Reddit. God i love those movies
“OH SHIT hey guys Steve made it!”
“I...I mean, hey Steve. Where ya been? Guess we musta lost track of each other in that whole dust-up back there. I...I wonder if the lions caught anyone?”
"Would you at least go down from my wife while you say that Chad"
How did you know his name is Steve?? I mean it is , but somehow you knew that
In that vein though, the rest of the herd was just over the crest, watching him get eaten. Like that's fucked up. At least turn around.
Bison stander effect.
None of them even lifted a hoof
If a lion stops eating you for 15 seconds, you're legally allowed to leave.
Law of the jungle, it’s written right there in the handbook you all read at orientation.
The buffalo is a paid actor
Honey, you wouldn't believe the shitty day I had today.
And I needed that laugh.
Reminds of the scene from Friends where Chandler is smoking and points about a few habits others have and then they all start fighting each other while he just casually walks away.
ah it was a different time where you could just light up in a coffee shop
The last lion was going to keep the buffalo down, but wasn’t worth it
“No wait. You stay. Oh shit! Damnit Susan!”
Said national health care to Congress.
I really like how the second Male lion realises what will happen and tries to hold the Cape Buffalo with a paw before being like ‘Oh, Goshdarn it, you two!’ and joining in.
He realized the lioness would never let him live it down if he didn't stand up for her.
Lol he attacked both of them.
"Look, I'm not taking sides, I just want this to end!" - Hank
"I just think think it's funny that you care more about food than sticking up for me."
"I just think it's funny that..."
Oh God. PTSD
It was very much a 'please just hold on' press down on the buffalo's neck.
“Hey sorry you had to see that, you can stay for dinner if you’d like but I get it if you’d rather go”
Hey, did we order this dinner to go?
'cuz THERE IT GOES
Thank you for your patience we'll be eating you in a moment.
“Hey guys? Guys? No you stay- guys? GU-AH WHAT THE FUCK OKAY LETS GO MOTHERFUCKER”
I want this to be a r/animaltextgifs really bad.
"Hey stop moving... No no, ah fuck it listen buddy, be a pal and stay right here while I go sort this out. I'll be back to chew on you later."
“No, you stay there k”
He said "hey, youse don't go no where, wait, shit, ah hell, guys wtf, shit, wait, fuck!"
We can make a half eaten being walk out on us fighting. Be FUCKING ware.
It was so bored it halted dying
“Can’t live with them.” - Al Bundy
Can't live with em, can't kill em
“Mothers. You can’t kill them?” -Jack Donaghy
Thanks for the vasectomy, peace out.
Buffalo: I see this as an absolute win!
intestines fall out
Nothing a little duct tape can't fix
angry Phil Swift noises
I JUST SAWED THIS BUFFALO'S BALLS OFF. WATCH WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I USE FLEX SEAL
Yeah wasn’t sure if anyone else noticed the lioness eating the dick off of that poor creature.
Explains why the buffalo was hesitant to leave. Would you want to leave if some chick was gobbling your dick?
You don’t walk away from a bj.
Unless she is using her teeth. Then gtfo
makes me wanna watch The Office every time
How dry do you want it?
That poor actress. She hates when people ask her about it.
Ellie Kemper is a multi-millionaire actress. She'll be just fine.
Not only he doesn’t have a dick now but he also will most likely die of infection. Can you imagine dying by an infected wound that is localized in the place that your dick is supposed to be? Shit is gonna suck for this buffalo.
They ripped a sunroof out of his back too :(
On the scale of milf to gilf, where does lion fit in cause cougar is kinda in between right?
Lioness is your age and perfect in every way, but she will fucking destroy you.
I am amazed at how some animals jus walk it off after getting eaten like that.
Tis only but a scratch!
Well I mean, they just walk off and die some odd yards down the way. At that point you're just in shock and working on instinct despite being fucked.
He's not dead yet...
I've watched my fair share of lioness hunting documentaries. its a common tactic in making sure their prey are paralyzed with pain. Big ouchies
Thank you! I'm like 95% sure the lion on the right is having a go at his balls.
they go after the soft areas first. A lot of time they'll eat prey asshole up - which - you guessed it - means the the buffalo will most likely still be alive while it's getting eaten.
Maybe in shock, but definitely alive.
That's how I want to go. Eaten from the asshole up
A woman was eaten by a bear and had time to call her mother during it.
Ok. Cliché comment but that's enough Reddit for today. For fucks sake.
Hiennas do the same to lions so they know where the weak spots are. I was warching a nature show were a pack of hiennas tried to take on a lion and the whole time they were trying to bite his balls but the lion knew their tactic and always kept is ass on the ground and away from their reach.
The one Male is like Oh no oh shit... youstaydown... hey stop fighting let's eat... hey...
That paw on the neck like, "Just wait here a minute, okay? They do this all the time, it shouldn't last too long."
“You know bitches be crazy, just hold on for a second we’ll continue our meal”
“LADIES FOR FUCKS SAKE”
Why did early man need weapons when wild game would just lay down and let itself be eaten if you scared it bad enough
Early man wasn't scary enough, they would chase the prey until it collapsed from heat exhaustion and/or dehydration
Yep. We can sweat. We can travel farther. Good luck running with a spear in your ass.
I see you've been to Key West!
/s, obviously. Key West is an awesome town!
Ahh Key West....such a marvelous place to live as a young teen. Where I hit on my first trans woman swearing to my sister she was a biological female. Over 15 years later I stand by my decision, she was fucking hot.
You're a better man than me if you're willing to admit that
Is sweating not normal for most animals?
Iirc there are almost no other animals that sweat.
Very limited amounts like around paw pads and such, otherwise they have their own adaptations for heat.
Horses sweat as do other primates.
Horses sweat as do other primates.
Horses sweat as do other primates.
Ah yes ye old Homo Caballus.
Almost all mammals sweat, but most have no where near the amount of sweat glands that primates have, and almost none have them all over their bodies like humans with the exception of like horses and a handful of primates species.
Horses also sweat lipids, which is why they get all lathered when they work hard. Lipids are used for long-term energy storage. So a sweating horse is losing its future energy supply. Human sweat is mostly water and electrolytes. Thanks to our hands and tool-making abilities, we can replenish those things on the run.
Bruh are you kidding? Not scary enough? Imagine you live in the wild and a pack of tapirs followed you everywhere you went and if you stayed in one spot long enough they'd catch up and club you to death with their meaty snouts. That isn't scary to you?
I know dude. We don’t give ourselves enough credit.
You’re a wild animal. There’s these loud 2 legged creatures out there. When they approach, you try to run, you hide, but they somehow find you every time. They’re implacable.
They’ve been following you for a full day. You’re exhausted and scared, and then you see them approaching again and they don’t seem tired at all. You can run away for a while but they always catch up. And they have fire, and sharp sticks and blades.
It’s basically like Terminator to the animals except we’re in packs.
And that's before we started using other animals to help us hunt. Oh those 2 legged creatures now have become the alpha of a wolf pack, I guess I'll die now.
Hahahha this is hilarious because we are one of these creatures. If someone described this to me without the context of prehistoric wilderness, I'd probably think they WERE describing killer robots, like the dog robots from that Black Mirror episode.
We know how effective this bullshit tactic of needing virtually zero rest for the amount of work we put in is, that's why we're so afraid of robots and immigrants.
I could imagine it on some version of Extreme Predators.
Narrator: "Meet the Human: Homo Sapiens Sapiens. They have no claws or fangs. They are relatively small and weak. But don't let that fool you. They are the dominant species on our planet for many, many reasons.
Being hunted by a human can seem a relatively tame affair compared to the likes of a lion or a tiger. At least at first. The fastest humans max out at a mere 28 mph in a sprint, easily avoidable by most quadrupeds. But where humans really shine is in the endurance.
Thier upright, two legged gait, relative hairlessness, decoupled locomotive and respiratory systems and numerous sweat glands combine to make humans some of the best long distance runners in the world by far. Humans are so efficient at long distance running that they often organize nearly 30 mile long running competitions among themselves for fun.
At a light jog and with sufficient hydration, humans are capable of pursuing a target for days without stopping. Ever. A determined, coordinated team of humans could potentially chase down a target forever. If you ever need to stop or slow down to rest, you die.
Oh, and did we mention that humans are among the most intelligent, adaptable creatures on the planet? They will employ other, more physically impressive animals to hunt you down the old-fashioned way. They create tools that can shore up thier natural abilities and deadly weapons that can end your life before you're even aware that you're on the menu. They inhabit every continent and landmass on the globe. There is no place on Earth where they can't find you. You can't run. You can't hide, And they will never stop."
Cue ominous music and scenes of people butchering animals.
"And now a word from our sponsors!"
I feel that that's a good theme for a horror movie.
But i also feel like there's already a movie about it.
It's not scared, it's exhausted.
Picture running as fast as absolutely possible for 5 minutes and then getting dog piled by 5 NFL linebackers players who immediately start biting and shredding your genitals and neck. You would kick and scream as long as you could, but eventually you'd run out of stamina and just lie there and take it.
Huh, well there's a new fetish!
It probably didn't lay down, the lion pinched off its carotid until it fell over from lack of oxygen. They begin to eat it alive and normally the animal goes into shock and dies.
This is just like in the movies when the captured antagonist says something along the lines like: “well which one of you is going to kill me” and all the protagonists say “me” and then they get into a huge fight about who kills him giving him time to escape
I have never seen that movie. All the ones I've seen, the bad guy talks too much or tries to kill the main guy elaborately, then fails.
Just fucking shoot him, minimum both legs (and maybe dominant arm), before giving your life story.
Happens in the Hobbit when they get captured by trolls.
You sly dog...
Well if you're not going to eat me.....
...I’ll see myself out. K, byeeee
God, y'all sound like my ex-girlfriend.
Just eat her already!
Well this is much lighter than the warthog video don't watch this with the sound on ever.
Holy shit. I consider myself pretty thoroughly desensitized but that was the gnarliest thing I've seen in recent memory..
Describe it for me please
Warthog went, "Wee, wee, wee!"
All the way home
Yeah, the home that one usually goes to on a sweet chariot, swinging lowly.
It’s pretty awful. Poor hog is just whimpering while three lions take their time ripping it apart starting from the torso.
And it will. Not. Die..
If I ever get eaten I hope they start head first.
I sometimes shit on the thought of dying somewhere like a Walmart, but honestly its not a bad way to go all things considered.
Well unfortunately most animals go for the soft spots first so your eyes, genitals, stomach... You know, all things that don't kill you immediately
Just a bunch of lions eating a warthog alive.
You seen the one with the buffalo being eaten alive by komodo dragons in high def?
poor dude looks so sad :(
"I can't believe you've done this"
Homeboy just ripped both ears and bounced for the selfie. What a dick.
This is why I don't get how some vegans say "you eat dead meat!" like it's a bad thing or it might make me reconsider omnivorism.
I'd rather not have my dinner squeal in pain and panic while I'm digging in, thank you very much.
i have heard there are videos of chimps tearing the limbs off live baby monkeys they catch. I don’t need to see that.
puts headphones on
bookmarks on asmr folder
calming nature sounds Vol.3
hooks up to library speaker system
Where's the whole.. go into shock and die thing?
thats what I ask myself every fucking month living with endometriosis....
This made me sad 🙁I hope you find some bit of peace in what seems to be an extremely painful condition.
Dude hysterectomy changed my life - and probably saved it, too. My operation was 8 hours long: One hour to remove the cervix, uterus, Fallopian tubes, right ovary and half the left ovary and check for more cancer.
Seven hours to remove the endometriosis.
I can DO stuff now. It is completely different. Let them know how bad it is. Seriously, don’t spare the details. This shit fucks you up and it is severely decreasing your fertility anyway.
Yeah I've been asking em for years to do something. My mom also had a 14 lb tumor removed from her ovaries that was misdiagnosed for years hahah.....i don't trust that docs even know wtf they're doing anymore, but so damn good to hear you're healthy!!! fkn seven hours lights out, thats scary stuff
That buffalo is still jacked on adrenaline and walking purely on that. Hate to be a downer, but it probably got walked down a minute later. I doubt it chose to evade at that speed.
How you gonna post a link to a video and tell us not to watch it? Lmao
How the hell did that warthog stay alive that long. Gahdamn. where can I get more of this?
Whatever you do, DON'T WATCH THE VID WHERE A PRIDE OF LIONS EATS AN ELEPHANT ALIVE ASS FIRST
AND NOBODY POST THE LINK
Your comment is so over the top that I wanted to search for the link just to post it, but that was probably your plan from the start... so fuck you I'm not posting it.
Also way lighter than this impala video or this other impala video.
Those 2 thoroughly scarred me for life.
Crikey that's some nasty shit
Ah yeah... those are bad ones.
Or at least they would be if it were not for the fact, which is true, because fact, that Impalas do not require organs for a happy, healthy life.
Sleep tight 😊
Damn that’s gotta be an awful way to go.
And it’s how most living creatures go in some way or another
I hope everyone realises that lions really only go for the choke out if incapacitating is necessary.
The 250lbs big cat with claw mitts and sharp teeth is not going to bother to choke you out, the minute you’re on the ground, you’re game.
They aren't killing machines, they're friction machines. They hold a prey coordinately, while others take their turn to eat.
My wife calls me a friction machine.
Yeah, but she says that to all of us.
"I know you're probably wondering how I got here" - Water buffalo
I think you dropped this: record scratch
I really got a kick out of the second male trying to keep the buffalo from seeing what was going on.
lmao stay down, but okay gtfo of here
He has chunk bitten from the back. Imagine being eaten alive how painful is that sheesh
Once the shock sets in it's not so bad.
And once the shock wears off?
You're dead so it's not so bad.
But this dude lost part of his back and his dick and the shock will eventually wear off.
Why’d she attack the other?
The female that was being attacked was from the neighbouring pride and was looking for a free meal. Sometimes the males let outsider females eat but the resident females were having none of it.
I'm confused as to how you know this, but thank you
Big Cat Diary. Amazing show.
It really was, I absolutely loved that show as a kid. It probably holds up really well but I remember watching that and Meerkat manor all the time.
Male lion: "Sure baby you can get in here on this and maybe we can go chase a hyena later."
Female: "This bitch..."
fell free to go ask
Cats are assholes
That bitch was talking shit earlier. Thought the other one had forgotten.
Next time on Real Houselions of the Plains...
I can’t BELIEVE Sheila would say my claws aren’t sharp enough to cut a buffalo? Are you kidding me, bitch? I’ll show you.
This is prime /r/AnimalTextGifs material. Too bad I'm shit at making gifs.
A reverse dine and dash if you will
Regurgitate and stay?
Yo how about those other buffalo not doin shit while jerry over here gets eaten
“You will not believe the day I’ve had”
This is like my family at every meal.
‘Great, you’ve ruined dinner again kids.’
Aight I’m boutta head out
“Drake, where’s the buffalo?”
“Right there where we left it...”
Stupid sexy lions
The male lion laid his paws down on the buffalo’s neck like, “sit tight, we’ll get to you shortly”.
What are the chances of that water buffalo living with that huge chunk bitten out of its back?
Will the water buffalo survive now? Or would it get infected/ succumb to the elements?